"Why is it that we get stuck with 'old maid' and 'spinster' and men get to be 'bachelors' and 'playboys'?" -Miranda, Sex and the City

I was discussing this concept with my mom the other day and my fear that I'd graduate college, only work with 40 year old men and never meet an interesting guy my own age. It started out normal enough and then our conversation turned ridiculous, as it usually tends to do when you put the two of us in a room together.

jumpingzebra13 (11:53:01 PM): spinster miser...miser spinster...
PrityLittlePixie (11:53:18 PM): me living in an apartment with 20 cats
jumpingzebra13 (11:53:33 PM): 20 fucking cats!
jumpingzebra13 (11:54:12 PM): just think though...if they all curl up around you when you go to sleep, you'll never need to buy a comforter.
jumpingzebra13 (11:54:43 PM): does it matter that the cat dander gets wadded up in your nose and you can't breathe?
jumpingzebra13 (11:55:10 PM): does it matter that the litter box needs to be cleaned every half hour or so?
jumpingzebra13 (11:55:45 PM): nah....better to get 20 teacup poodles instead
PrityLittlePixie (11:56:06 PM): me, sitting in my apartment in my bathrobe doing graphic design on my computer in the dark, 20 cats around me, my eyes watering because im freaking allergic, and the only male contact i get will be the pizza delivery guy coming to the door and eying me strangely as i pay him for my 5 pizzas...which i will then eat
jumpingzebra13 (11:56:50 PM): you ain't gonna eat 5 pizzas....cats will get to them first
PrityLittlePixie (11:58:09 PM): and ill drink curdled milk
jumpingzebra13 (11:59:53 PM): you know what they say bout rotten milk? it turns into acid rain
PrityLittlePixie (12:00:09 AM): who says that?
jumpingzebra13 (12:00:16 AM): "they"
jumpingzebra13 (12:00:31 AM): the bush advisors silly


somehow, this is what came of that train of thought:

jumpingzebra13 (12:03:48 AM): nah...the pandas are communists
jumpingzebra13 (12:04:58 AM): shit girl....everyone knows the pandas work as cheap labor
jumpingzebra13 (12:05:12 AM): in the sweat shops no less
jumpingzebra13 (12:06:43 AM): come on now...they don't sew the buttons on....they glue them on with bubblegum
PrityLittlePixie (12:07:25 AM): do they chew the bubblegum themselves?
jumpingzebra13 (12:08:30 AM): you see....that's where the polar bears come in. they're really "bi-polar" and their other self chews the gum and then ships it to communist china where the pandas are.