He's Just Not That Into You

My roommate Nana told me about this new book called "He's Just Not That Into You" that she read. I was intrigued with the idea so I went and picked it up and just finished reading it. I seriously recommend every girl in their early 20s to read it because I think that we put way in too much time getting hung up on particular guys when the guy is actually just not interested in you and their actions speak it really clearly. I literally just spend 3 months liking one boy when it was completely not worth it. Sure, now I can look back and kick myself for being so retarded and wonder what I was thinking during this time, but at the time it seemed like this guy was perfect and something must be wrong with me if he didnt want to date. But there were some parts of the book that made me laugh out loud and realize that I need to wake up, smell the coffee, and not care so much.

The book was written by writers of Sex and the City, one of my favorite shows. They were talking bout this one staff writer who was getting mixed messages from a guy:

"On this day, Greg listened intently to the story and our reactions, and then said to the woman in question, 'Listen, it sounds like he's just not that into you.' We were shocked, appalled, amused, horrified and above all else, intrigued. We sensed immediately that this man might be speaking the truth. A truth that we, in our combined 100 years of dating experience, had never considered and definitely never considered saying outloud. 'Ok he might have a point,' we relunctantly agreed. 'But Greg couldn't possibly understand my very busy and complicated possible future husband.' We had excuses for all these men from broken dialing fingers to difficult childhoods. In the end, one by one, they were shot down by Greg's powerful silver bullet. Greg made us see, after an enormous amound of effort, that if a sane guy really likes you there aint nothing that is going to get in his way. And if he's not sane, why would you want him?

A collective epiphany burst forth in the room. All these years I'd been complaining about men and their mixed messages; now I saw they werent mixed messages at all. I was the one that was mixed up. Becase the fact was, these men had simply not been that into me.

Knowledge is power, and more importantly, knowledge saves us time. I realized that from this day forward I would be spared hours and hours of waiting by the phone, hours of obsessing with my girlfriends, hours of just hoping his mixed messages really meant 'Im in love with you and want to be with you. Greg reminded us that we were all beautiful, smart funny women and we shouldn't be wasting our time figuring out why a guy isn't calling us. As Greg put it, we shouldn't waste the pretty."

Maybe it's just me, but I can relate so many of my situations in the past two years to situations described in the book. And the whole while, if I'd realized that they just weren't that into me and were using these generic excuses to convey that, I wouldve saved myself months of wondering what the hell was going on.

But I still need to find a date to Diamond Ball. hehe.

How about making me vice-president in charge of cheering you up?

A funny story my mom told me the other night:



jumpingzebra13 (9:16:15 PM): that's just about as sad as when zenia (my mom's mom) and i walked into her lady friend's bathroom
PrityLittlePixie (9:16:29 PM): what happened?
jumpingzebra13 (9:16:38 PM): her friend was a beautician and had her own shop set up in her basement
jumpingzebra13 (9:16:51 PM): it was late at night and dark when we left
jumpingzebra13 (9:17:13 PM): it was also our first time there, so we really didn't know which door let us out
PrityLittlePixie (9:17:30 PM): oh no
jumpingzebra13 (9:17:46 PM): i opened a door, of course dark surrounded us, and zenia followed behind and shut the door
jumpingzebra13 (9:18:13 PM): it didn't feel like outside, too quiet ya know. then i thought i saw movement in front of me
jumpingzebra13 (9:19:29 PM): i said, " i think someone is standing in front of us." got real quiet all of a sudden. turned out we walked into her bathroom and the thing in front of us was a mirror. talk about 2 fools!
jumpingzebra13 (9:19:55 PM): we burst out of there laughing our asses off
jumpingzebra13 (9:20:25 PM): almost pissed my pants


I had to go home yesterday to get my permanent cap put on after that horror of a root canal. I got back to school this afternoon and watched a little Pride and Prejudice with Nana, my new roommate. She's reading it for a class and wanted to see the movie. Other than that, this weekend is turning out to be horribly boring. I have a lot of homework to do, but all of tomorrow is set aside for that so I didn't want to be doing homework on Saturday night. I think I really need to get out and do something fun. Charade is on tv! I love that movie. The old movie stars are so romantic...Cary Grant is one of my favorites. Even if he was a crackhead or whatever he was addicted to, I still love him. Cary Grant and Clark Gable...can't get any better than that.

I find a fatal flaw in the logic of love

I haven't updated in a few days for a number of reasons. I havent had much of interest to say and also I've been in a rut this week and generally feeling down and out. If you've seen me walking around campus, you probably noticed that I had headphones in probably listening to something really scary like Static X or Glass Jaw, was walking fast, and was glaring ahead and growling at anyone who got in my way. But now that my week is practically over (only two classes tomorrow) I think things are looking up. Today was my first REAL photography class. We got to go into the darkroom and learn how to develop a photogram, which isn't developing from a negative. Instead, you put random objects on top of a paper, set the exposure time, and the picture leaves an imprint that looks kind of like an Xray. I think it was mainly to teach us about how to develop using the different tubs of liquid: developer, fixer and water. I had a lot of fun and I think that I will be spending a lot of time in the darkroom this semester. It won't do much for my tan, but no matter. In the victorian era, extreme paleness was attractive. I was born into the wrong millenium, I'm telling you. Looking at photography might be a newfound passion that I never knew I had before. I have to fill a roll of 36 pictures up by monday which means going to take pictures around campus and around Valencia. Ideally, I would want my photos to have some sort of social significance rather than just shots of my dog or of flowers. I would like to find something to say with them, but maybe that'll come when i start shooting pictures. I'm looking forward to having another artistic medium to work with. Photography always has a lot to do with graphic design, but up until now I was fairly clueless about how the whole process worked.

Not much else going on this week. My social life has dwindled to pretty much nothing due to lots of homework and I missed the application deadline for committees at ADPi so I'm worried Im not going to be as involved as I would like to be. Diamond ball is coming up still in less than a month which i am conveniently trying to overlook. I decided to not go to any rush events this week after last week's fiasco. I am thinking about applying for a work study job, but I want to see how the semester goes a little bit more. New Line Cinema guy refuses to call me back. I've called twice and I'm beginning to feel like a stalker even though he's the one who called first. I've been thinking back and I actually think I dated more in high school than I have in college. High school, I don't know what it was, but I ended up going out on actual dates to movies, dinner, stuff like that so it felt like I was dating. College is a weird hybrid of dating which usually includes watching a dvd in your apartment or going to a party on campus and I dont like it. Maybe it's just me, but there don't seem to be actual dates so it leaves me confused...was that a date? I don't do well with this ambiguity. Anyway, USC might not be the best place for dating. Almost every guy I've liked here at school has decided to go out with blond, thin, beachy, fashionable, runway model types. But as my mom said, she was too busy to date much in college. She said that she didn't worry because she figured it would just happen when it was supposed to happen or if not, hey, she liked herself. Cut out all the crap of giving it a second thought. And it did happen for her, 25 years of marriage and counting. And it'll happen for me too, or if not, hey... I like myself. :)

Got the link from eddie's xanga. Apparently I've watched too much Sex and the City because I've started to think and act like a thirty-something year old. But i knew that already.

You Are 30 Years Old

30 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

on this great and joyous day did all the kingdom celebrate the long awaited royal birth

I had the best night last night! On the spur of the moment, my mom asked me if I'd like to come into work with her last night for a few hours. She works as a nurse in labor and delivery and the nursery at Henry Mayo Hospital. I threw on a pair of scrubs and was ready to go. We only live about two minutes from the hospital which is nice. I was worried that the other nurses were going to be mad that I was there or that I'd get in the way, but they were all really nice. I spent the evening cuddling with the newborns. It's so amazing to see this little thing that was just born a few hours ago. My mom had to do all the blood assessments so I got to watch that and some of the babies needed to be fed so I got to feed them from the bottle. They were all so adorable. And even though they are just a few hours old, you can see that they have personality quirks already. One kid would stare right at you when you talked to it, and then another kid kept sticking its tongue out. I wanted to take them all home with me, but of course that is illegal. haha. When it got later in the night and the florescent lights were getting annoying and everyone was getting a little sleepier, my mom would pick up the babies and move their mouths around like they were talking. I was scheduled to go in and watch a live birth too. The nurse told me it was almost time but to wait in the nursery for a bit and she'd come get me, but she forgot!! The baby was this woman's 3rd kid so it just sorta popped out really quickly and she came running in apologizing profusely that I had missed it. I was bummed out cuz I would really love to see a live birth, but I'm not too disappointed because everyone invited me to come back in anytime so I'll get to see one the next time I go in which will be soon I'm sure. The night gave me some interesting perspective and made me wonder what it would have been like if I had chosen a profession like that, but in the end I decided it wouldn't suit me. I'm too squemish and I would definitely not be cut out for it. I'm happy where I am but am looking forward to the next time I can go there again.

And they're always glad you came

I survived the entire first week of classes, only 11 more weeks to go! After the first two days I started to get used to my schedule and being where I needed to be at the right place and time. The first week is a bit of a tease because you don't have an abundance of work and usually, some of my friends havent started school yet, so they come visit. Caitlyn came to spend the night at our apartment on Wednesday evening, which ended up being a lot of fun. It was relaxing because we all ordered pizza and watched way too many Sex and the City episodes for anyone's good. Then yesterday, Caitlyn and Tasha came back to spend the night. I had planned to go out to check out some pre-rush parties but when they came they were really sleepy. I decided to go out anyway just for a little while because I hadnt been out at all this week and I wanted to see all the hype. I probably should have just stayed in though. Since it was pre-rush, all the houses were crazy and packed with people...and not in a good, "hey, now I can dance like a retard and no one will notice and laugh at me way". There was no room to move, let alone dance. I saw about two people I knew. The highlight of the night was running into Chante and Kasia. I miss not seeing my old roommates all the time. Pretty much the only time I run into them is at a party. I was kinda bummed out because I ran into some guys in the frat that I know, Ive had actual conversations with them, and they didn't even remember who I am. One guy's answer was "I know Ive seen you around...I dont remember your name." That really sucks when that happens because it's a reminder how forgettable I am. I think I am growing out of going to these houses or maybe I'm just sad that people can't remember that they've actually talked to me before, but I think mainly it's the idea that I am becoming one of those disposable girls. I mean, the reason I like going to these things was to see my guy friends at the houses and hang out with them, but if they can't remember who I am or even my name then it seems pretty pointless.

Diamond ball is coming up in less than one month on Feb 11th. It's two days before my birthday! It's a big, formal dance with my sorority and I've kinda been looking forward to going, but at the same time I'm a little nervous about it. It's coming up really soon and Im stuck with the same problem of not knowing who to ask. And i have to ask someone early. But I'm not missing this one so if it comes down to it, guy friends in the area....I'm calling you out. Anyways, it's finally the weekend and I decided to come home to hang out with my friends who are leaving on sunday to head back to school for the semester and who I won't see til summer. So that's where I'll be until Monday...but no one will notice because apparently, I dont have a name. haha.

Why we're put in this mess is anybody's guess

I have finally dragged myself, soaking wet and sleepy home from my first day back at school since winter break and here's a recap:

I couldnt sleep very well last night because I have a new roommate and she's very nice, but it's always hard adjusting to sleeping in the same room as a person you just met. Also, the beds here are extra longs and not as fluffy as my bed at home so it took some getting used to again. I woke up around 9 this morning hoping to get an early start so I could swing by and figure out where my classes were, but because I am a slow poke, that didn't happen. French II seems like it's going to be about the same as french I. We use the same book and continue in the same basic structure as last semester so at least I won't have to get used to a new test format. The teacher was actually French because she had a strong accent so I hope that doesn't confuse me, but I think everything will work out. My friend ashley is in that class so it'll be nice to have someone to study with.

After French, I had 10 minutes to get to my next class, Record Production management. It was raining pretty steadily today so I unfortunately got my jeans soaked completely up to the knee but didnt have time to change so I had to be in wet jeans all day. I got lost trying to find my class and ended up in the entirely wrong building. I asked a few random kids where to find the classroom, but people kept pointing me to the same wrong staircase. Finally, when I was considering turning around and going home, I asked this guy and he led me to a completely different building where the class was and turns out I wasnt even late. The teacher seems really exuberant and nice. We already had a lecture because it's only a once a week class and I learned about the practices of record labels from the 1930s to now in terms of what they look for in artists and their relations with radio stations and distributors. I think I'm going to like this class and maybe understanding record production will give me special insight if I go into music design. Perhaps.

Photography is going to be cool, but time consuming. Apparently it's a lot of time spent in the dark room. My teacher is this really awesome, funky art lady who went to cal arts. I think I might be the only fine arts major in that class. I like being with a bunch of art majors so that we can be equally spacy and weird together. Not to sound all snobby, but when i'm in a class with a lot of political science, business, and engineering majors just taking the art class for fun, there's a different vibe to it. They are very clean cut and serious most of the time.

First monday night dinner of the semester was tonight. Nice to see my sorority again, not so nice to send deliveries in the rain, and watch my hair curl up like a chia pet gone wild. Thanks to my mom, dad, and brother who sent me a lovely flower basket with white daisies, my absolute FAVORITE flower because they are so cheerful and friendly, and african violets, the flower of my sorority. I wonder what your favorite flower says about you. My design teacher was saying that daisies are innocent and naive. Does liking them as your favorite flower inadvertantly mean you are innocent and naive?

This monday I sent off my cover letters and resumes for summer internships. I figured the return rate was probably about 10% so I applied to a lot of them. The thought of having another pointless job this summer where I'd work 40 hours a week, every week, doing something with no skill involved and have minimum wage to show for it made me really sad. Internships are really important to get during college because they give you the connections to get a job when you graduate and even if you don't get a job at the place you interned, having that sort of thing on your resume puts you above the rest of the competition. I'm interested in going into either music or entertainment design when I graduate so I applied to Disney Studios, Imagineering, Dreamworks Animation, Columbia Records, Rhino Records, New Line Cinema, Warner Brothers, Rhythm and Hues Studios, and the LA County Museum of Art. Yesterday I was floored to get a call from New Line Cinema! I just applied on Monday, they're fast! Anyway, I have to call the guy back around 2 today and I'm hoping he's going to want to set up an interview. I'm very very nervous, I've never dealt with a big name company before, I hope I don't blow it. I'll probably be doing things like filing, archiving, making coffee and answering phones, but having New Line Cinema on my resume would be phenomenal so I wouldn't mind.

I'm trying to end my winter break with a lot of fun, so I'm going to see The Phantom of the Opera again tonight and then tomorrow if it doesn't rain too badly, I might go to disneyland.

The phantom of the opera is here, inside my mind

It's raining again in Valencia. I went on a bit of a shopping spree today, if you could call it a shopping spree, and bought two pairs of jeans and a nice pair of all white adidas sneakers. I wanted the sneakers because all I have is a pair of converse and although they are my prized possession, they get wet in the rain and then I have to sit miserably for hours on end in wet shoes and socks. I bought the jeans because I had two pairs of jeans. One pair had gaping holes in the knees and I didn't like to wear them because I looked like a grungy hobo so I was wearing the other pair all day, every day. I don't mind so much that it's raining because I'm not driving from San Francisco to LA in it. Today they closed the Grapevine and my dad got stuck for two hours on the freeway on the way to a doctor's appointment. He said he got so bad that he had to pull over to the side of the road and pee cuz there was nowhere to go. I bet people were pointing and laughing. Guys have it a lot easier than girls though. It would be nearly impossible for a girl to pee on the side of the road without flashing an entire freeway.

My mom and I had a movie night and went to see The Phantom of the Opera. For most of my formative years, I listened almost entirely to two kinds of music: Oldies on KEarth 101 and Broadway musicals. My favorite being The Phantom of the Opera. I went to see it when it was playing here in LA, but unfortunately not with Michael Crawford or Sarah Brightman. I was skeptical about the movie version thinking of so many ways they could ruin it or make it hokey, but I was pleasantly surprised. The cinematography was beautiful, though I can't say I know much about that kind of stuff not being a film major, but I'm an art major and from an art standpoint, the imagery was beautiful. I was happy that all the main actors were actually singers and sang their own parts which added to it. Overall, I thought it was wonderful and I think my mom and I are going to go see it again this weekend. We've been walking around the house singing "Masquerade" all day today. The main thing that I love about the story is the extreme romance of it. The men are all galant. The women are beautiful and graceful; they weren't out partying and trying to sleep with as many guys as possibly to add a notch onto their belt...which is one thing that annoys me about some girls today. There wasn't so much androgyny then as today. Not that distinctive gender roles are a better thing...if we still had that style of living I don't think feminism would have taken root and allowed women as many opportunities or choice, but there's something of the beauty and feminity of that period that I wish still existed. Or that I could possess that kind of elegance instead of being an awkward, grungy, giggling, somewhat tomboyish college student. I'm feeling a little torn recently with growing up. I'm turning 20 and I want to be sophisticated, but I can't pull myself out of the teenage mentality. The Phantom of the Opera story is set in 1870 Europe during the height of elegance and chivalry. I guess I am a sucker for those fairytale romance stories, but I enjoyed the movie a lot. The thing that was really depressing though is to discover that the girl who played Christine, the title female role, is actually younger than me! Ahhhhh. It always kills me to see someone younger than me being that much more talented and pretty than me. It makes me feel like I'm in slow motion and not doing much with myself and there's nothing I can do about it. Is this mediocrity and lack of passion what life is going to be? I hope not.

My mom was telling me that she dreamed that she, matt, and me were visiting Magic Mountain but she crashed our car into a ride and that the park owners told her that to pay for the damage we all had to dress up in costumes and do this choreographed dance around the park for the guests. She was dressed as a rabbit, matt was dressed as a penguin, and I was dressed as a giant bird. Apparently our face stuck out of the costumes and matt and I got really mad at her because we were embarassed and didn't want to dance around the park. Rightfully so, I think. They had only taught us 3 dance steps so to make things worse we had to do the same steps over and over and plaster a big grin on our faces. I worked at magic mountain in high school and it was no day at the beach. Especially when someone threw up on me after riding a ride, but I won't go into detail. Anyway, I'd like to wish everyone who started school today good luck and an excellent semester.

That's beyond our borders. You must never go there Simba.

2005. This was the magic year that was too far away to imagine when I was a little kid. I remember thinking that I would be really old in 2005. New Year's Eve is never really my favorite holiday, but it does serve as a reminder that you can change things if they aren't going your way. I wish I could remind myself of that every day, instead of just one day a year. I don't have any resolutions this year, maybe a few things I want to accomplish over the year, but nothing in particular. There's really not that much that can be accomplished this year with school taking up most of my time, but I can start to do things that will pay off in a few years when I graduate. I spent New Year's Eve with some friends and we ended up watching Harry Potter and then driving around trying to find a ghost town. There's apparently this area on the outskirts of my town that's rural and has a creepy deserted schoolhouse and abandoned sheds.

My family took a whirlwind trip to San Francisco a few days ago. As a Christmas gift, I bought my family tickets to go see The Nutcracker ballet at the Opera House. We only had one day to spend in the city so we were driving around all over the place trying to fit everything in. When I was little, we used to live in this little coastal town called El Granada so we drove through the town and I was relieved to see that nothing has changed since the 15 years since I lived there. I had thought that with houses in the Bay area being so expensive, the town would be filled with tract homes and completely lose its charm, but it was exactly how it was when I lived there. Such a beautiful town too. Eucalyptus trees lined the streets and my old house faced the ocean. We drove to the Golden Gate Bridge and by Pier 39 with all the sea lions. The ballet was incredibly perfect. It was so nice to see professional dancers perform it. The male dancers seem to float in the air when they jump. The sugarplum fairy did a series of fouette turns at the end that was mind blowing. Made me miss dancing quite a bit. They even had some little kids in the performance who were students at the San Francisco Ballet School, 7 or 8 year olds, and I was thinking how lucky there are to be in that school and will probably turn into prima ballerinas in 10 years. One of these days I'd love to go see a performance of some of the other famous ballets: Swan Lake, Romeo & Juliet, Giselle, or Coppelia. We got caught in the rain on the way home, we went the wrong direction and had to turn around, and my dad drove about 50 miles an hour the whole way back, so it took us 9 hours to get home.

Last night, Caitlyn, Jessica, and I rented the last few episodes of Sex and the City series. I've been waiting to see how the series ended for over a year because I missed the last 2 episodes. It put in me in a good mood all day. I've been watching a Law and Order marathon today because Chris Noth was on that show (Mr. Big in sex and the city) and I like him a lot. I've also been watching a bunch of notoriously romantic movies this week like Casablanca and An Affair to Remember. I've decided that I'm a completely hopeless romantic. Do people ever love like that in real life? I'm starting to think not. It reminds me of that line in Sleepless in Seattle, "You don't want to be in love. You want to be in love in a movie." I go back to school in a week. Winter break has been wonderful and seeing friends is always fun, but I'm looking forward to getting back to school. I get burned out really quickly at school, but being at home for this long is starting to make me feel useless and antsy. I'm getting tired of Southern California. I'm basically sleeping and watching movies and not accomplishing anything. At least being back at school will keep me busy and I can get some things done. But I'm looking forward to soaking up the sleep and relaxation over the next week before heading back.