Who were your gifts from?

For as long as I can remember, instead of saying "from mom and dad" on all the gifts, my mom comes up with funny names for who gave us the presents. This year was a good batch. We got gifts from Smoe, Spongebob, Laura Bush, The Ataris, Captain Koswalski, a drug dealer, harry potter, john kerry (my mom said it's only fair since laura bush stopped by with a gift), captain barbosa, He Whose Name Shall Not be Mentioned, Taz, Frodo, Hermione, Dorothy Gail from Kansas, the Ladybugs in the park, billy bob thorton, and michael moore. haha.

Christmas

Christmas was very nice today. My family and I opened gifts and then on a whim drove down to Carpinteria to watch the sun go down on the beach. I got more gifts than i deserved, but they are all wonderful. Not telling my parents what i wanted was a good idea because I was pleasantly surprised by the presents i did get:

1) a black peacoat. I've never had one, it is perfect and timeless and will probably last me the next couple of years.
2) a JBL ipod on-stage stand with speakers. Great for listening to music when I'm not around a computer or big sound system. Plus, JBL is the best cuz my dad works there!
3) a gorgeous skirt and sweater from New York Learners. Thanks mom!
4) a scarf
5) 2 pairs of heels
6) Shrek 2, Cabaret, The Maltese Falcon, Casablanca, and Moulin Rouge on DVD
7) an England calander and map from Adrianne. That was so nice of you!
8) a tongue ring from matt's girlfriend
9) a New Orleans jazz band playing christmas songs...random

FIRSTS
First best friend: Probably Sophie in kindergarten. Her family moved to England in first grade and now she lives in Bath and has an awesome british accent. Damn her.
First car: white 95 saturn which was stolen by my brother when i went to school. No matter, I dont need a car at school.
First screen name: veggiegurl4th i think
First Purchased CD: I think it was probably Carol King's tapestry. That or the Phantom of the Opera, i was really into musicals as a kid.
First funeral: The first funeral I went to was my grandpa Matty's. He had a heart attack when I was 6. I don't remember much and i was crying continuously, but the incense they were burning in the russian orthodox church is a smell that will stay with me forever.
First pets: We used to own rats when i was little. I would name them things like Ratagon and Mr. Rat. We must have gone through at least 15 rats over the span of my childhood (not all at the same time, i was not the pied piper).
First tattoo: the tinkerbell one on my hip and i think it'll probably be the last
First credit card: Visa, but I dont really use it. I hate credit cards.
First true love: Well, my first boyfriend was Robert in kindergarten. He gave me a ringpop before i moved away. But I don't think I've ever really been in love.
First enemy: this girl megan I used to be in ballet with. I thought she was such a snob
First musician you remember hearing in your house: John Lennon

LASTS
Last cigarette: I have really bad asthma so I don't smoke. Well that, plus the whole lung cancer thing, ya know.
Last kiss: a mistake
Last library book checked out: It was a design book from the art and architecture library. I returned it late so I owe them $5. We'll see if they get it before I graduate.
Last movie seen: I saw Spanglish with my dad last night. I actually enjoyed it 
Last beverage drank: wild cherry pepsi
Last food consumed: veggie sushi rolls at lunch
Last crush: one I'm getting over finally which is nice so i can move on to someone else
Last phone call: I left a message for jessica to get her new york university butt over here and hang out with me
Last time showered: This morning
Last shoes worn: black converse
Last CD played: Elliot Smith "From a Basement On the Hill"
Last item bought: i bought a christmas gift for my mom the other day
Last disappointment: That George Bush got reelected
Last time wanting to die: I've never wanted to die
Last shirt worn: I'm wearing a vintage looking mickey mouse tshirt right now
Last song you sang: my mom and I were singing along to Silver Bells today. Good thing you weren't there, it was scary
Last word you said: "bye". My brother was going somewhere


CURRENTS
Current mood: happy 
Current music: i've been listening to Avenue Q, this new broadway musical a lot lately. And the usual Elliott Smith, Jon Brion, Beatles, and Shins i always listen to.
Current taste: I'm assuming this means style taste, so I'm going to say "1960's British Invasion/Mod"
Current hair: I just got it done today! Still shoulder length, but I am now a redhead and have long thick bangs. Still deciding if I like the cut. Redheads have more fun.
Current clothes: Mickey shirt, jeans, converse, and zip up hoodie...my uniform pretty much 
Current longing: to get my dream internship for summer
Current desktop picture: Big Ben in London framed by really leafy green trees..beautiful 
Current favorite artist: I'm into 1960's pop art and music posters so I'd say Martin Sharp, oh and Sal Bass who did the Vertigo and other movie posters, and Kara Walker's work is awesome too.
Current book: I'm still reading The Da Vinci code because i am slow and don't pick it up to read very often
Current color of toenails: i don't often paint my toenails 
Current time wasting wish: sleep, lots and lots of sleep. And reading a book the entire day, but it doesn't matter because you're so wrapped up in it.
Current hate: i dont know
What is in your CD player?: I just got my ipod back from the shop and have reloaded it with all my songs so "everything" to answer the question 
What is under your bed?: Bins full of shoes that I never really wear because I always wear converse
What time did you wake up today?: 10:15am

FUTURE
Where do you want to go?: I'd like to go to New York. And also a day trip to santa barbara might be nice.
What is your career going to be?: Graphic designer, hopefully working for a movie studion doing movie posters or music design.
Where are you going to live?: London or anywhere in england! Or perhaps Seattle or northern california.
How many kids do you want?: I'd like 2 kids, a boy and a girl because I'm not sure I can handle more than that. But twins run in my family so I'd be happy with 3 kids in that case.
What kind of car?: I don't really think much about cars
My name is: Sarah
I may seem: extremely shy, quiet, nice or reserved.
But I really: am creative, artisitic, and really passionate about my little causes. I am pretty quiet. But I'm not always as nice as people think, I have a dark sense of humor that people are suprised by when they get to know me
Sometimes I feel: like I'm not adventurous enough and that i should travel more
In the morning I: sit around for at least an hour sipping fresh coffee and watching Makeover shows on TLC. Thank god for winter break.
I like to sleep: curled up in a little ball with the covers over my head
And one thing I wish I had is: an extra semester to study abroad
One thing I have that I wish I didn't is: chipmunk cheeks
All I need is: to marry Johnny Depp and live in the south of france. Is that so much to ask for?
Love is: a lot more complicated than it is in the movies, but will hopefully work out one day
If I could see one person right now it would be: Michael Ian Black, I'm watching "I love the 80s" right now. Man, he's adorable
Something I want but I don't really need is: The 5th and 6th season of Sex and the City
I am afraid of: closeness
It makes me angry when: people cancel plans at the last minute. That's the worst
I live for: the possibilities of the future

The'yre gathering around to hear a story, roasting chestnuts on a fire

I'm a little disappointed with the way my christmas gifts turned out. Well, I did order the Star Trek dvds that I wanted to get for my dad. I think he deserves something really nice and I wanted to go all out so I got him the entire first season set of the original star trek episodes. It's 8 disks and looks incredible. I can't wait to see his reaction when he opens it on saturday. My mom's gift didn't work out as well as I had hoped. My family went to disneyland the other day and they make the 3D crystals in the World of Disney store. So my brother and I had it all planned out that we would sneak off to "ride alice in wonderland and peter pan" while my parents ate dinner, but we really went to get the crystal. Turns out it was $90 and we only had $40 on us and it wouldve taken 4 hours, so we deserted the plan. Then matt and I drove to Northridge mall because he thought they did it there. After scouring the mall for a good 2 hours and not finding any store that did it, we gave up. I found a crystal with a 3d palm tree etched into it, so we decided to get that and do the portrait one for her birthday in February. But I'm sad that I couldn't get it together in time.

Yesterday was a barrel of laughs. First, I went to the dentist. I've been dreading this, but my tooth has been hurting for 6 months and so i figured it was about time to suck it up and go. I was worried they were gonna give me a lecture about having my tongue pierced, but I put in a clear barbel and they didn't say anything. The dentist came in, took one look at the Xray, and said "yep, you definitely need a root canal." Nooooooooooo. I mean, I knew it was coming because he mentioned 6 months ago i might need one if it kept hurting, but hearing those words was not fun. So on January 5th at 11 am you can find me at the dentists getting a root canal.

Last evening, my brother, his girlfriend, my dad, Adrianne, and I went to the Walt Disney Concert Hall to see a Latin Christmas concert that my dad got tickets to through the sound engineers group he belongs to. I've always passed the concert hall on my way to MOCA or Chinatown, but this was my first time seeing the inside. It was very big and the architecture was fabulous. Our seats were at the very top of the concert hall which was horrible for me because I am very scared of heights. I'm a lot like Jimmy Stewart in Vertigo. The seating was extremely angular and steep and I kept picturing myself tripping, falling over the rail, and plummeting down 100 feet or so. I wondered if I could turn my program into a paper airplane and sail it all the way to the stage. The concert was laughable. I expected traditional latin christmas music, but this featured two bands: a punk rock latin band and then a latin band featuring two old school rappers. They did a rap rendition of a song about Santa Clause that was so bad that I almost plugged my ears with my fingers. There was nothing christmas about the concert; they just played what they would normally play at a concert, except that they threw in Silent Night. But we did have fun and I enjoyed being in the concert hall once I adjusted to the height and the fact that I wasn't going to simultaneously trip, flip acrobatically over two rows of people and a safety rail and fall to my death with latin music playing in the background.

I'll report tomorrow on the fate of my hair. Either I'll be crying because I look like the ronald mcdonald clown, or I will be happy. We'll see.

What kind of pirate am I? You decide!
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Remembering

Disneyland was excellent as always, except it wasn't worth dealing with the awful crowd yesterday. I guess because it's winter break and kids are out of school and adults are off work (some of them who are lucky enough to have a holiday vacation), everyone in the universe thought it would be a good idea to go to disneyland yesterday. The worst is when it's super crowded and youre walking in this mass of people and some guy stops right in front of you for no apparent reason and you crash into him and everyone behind you crashes into you...it's a mess. I think I won't go back until after the holidays, unless friends want to go before then.

So I found out something interesting (at least to me) the other day that I never knew. Every time I asked my mom why I was named Sarah, she said that my dad picked out the name because he liked it and no other reason. I was talking to my dad and he said that I was actually named by my mom after her good friend Sarah in colorado who was a fellow SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) parent and had been a huge support to my mom after Andrea died. Why didn't she just tell me that in the first place? That conversation made me start thinking about Andrea a bunch. Yeah, it's hard to lose a sister, but I can't even imagine how hard it is to lose a child who you've cared for for a year and a half. That must have killed my parents, but they never really talk about it, so it was surprising when my dad gave me this newsletter and showed me a story that was written by the daughter of my mom's friend Sarah who is my age and whose brother also died of SIDS. Here's what she had to say, which is exactly how I feel too so I thought it might be interested to post.

"For me, I think the hardest thing about Luke's death, the thing that was the most important to me was just that I knew about my brother. People often thought we were weird because at a very young age I not only knew what death was but talked about it with my parents. Despite the fact that many people think death is too awful for kids to handle, for me it was never scary or morbid--it just was...I just always knew that Id had a brother and that now he was gone.

Even though I'd never met Luke I still felt a very strong connection to him and felt that he was no less a part of our family just because he was dead. I was always furious anytime my mom would introduce me as her only child, stubbornly insisting (often in front of people Id just met), 'I have a brother...he's just not alive anymore'. Over time I came to realize, as my mom had, that it was simply easier not to bring Luke up with people we were never going to see again...but I certainly still think of him anytime anyone ask me if I'm an only child. We also remember Luke as a family. Every year on August 8th, we have dinner together and go out to Dairy Queen to get ice cream and celebrate his birthday...And we go together to the cemetery on December 8th to put flowers by his grave and mourn his death. When I think of Luke, especially on those two hardest days, I wonder what it would have been like to have an older brother, someone to watch over me as i grew up, and beat up all the guys who treated me poorly.

One of the hardest things to me about losing my brother was that he was gone before I got a chance to know him, before we all got to see how he would turn out. Even as I write this, I wonder if I would have been close to him...if he would be quiet and reserved like our parents or loud and unruly like myself...would he have played sports, done well in school, etc.

Although I never knew him and he's been gone for 21 years, I still think about him all the time...and he is still my brother."


Andrea would be 21 years old on Jan 31st. Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't dwell and try to completely forget, and as it is I don't think about it all that much (just when something triggers it), but I think it's important that someone remember. That I remember. Even if nothing can change and things are as they are and I'm ok with that. But now my name will be a reminder that at least there are people out there who provided my parents with support when I couldnt even begin to talk to them about it and still can't. I posted also to spread a little awareness that SIDS is out there, people have to deal with it all over the place, and I don't think a lot of people even know what it is.

Think of Christmas, think of snow, think of sleighbells...here we go!

Another day spent being lazy around the house and not even a little bored yet. I can't believe it, but I woke up at 12 noon today. I haven't slept in that late since that time I had the stomach flu in 8th grade and was up half the night puking. Oh, the memories. I managed to leave the house, though, for a little bit to meet up with Adrianne for some traditional golden spoon ice cream and then go to dinner with my family. It was nice to see her again and what's really nice is the fact that I've been able to keep in touch with so many people from high school, even a year and a half later. In high school, I felt trapped in this lousy suburb but now I don't look at it as being trapped anymore since it's just a place I visit every once in a while but it's a place to spend a few weeks relaxing and catching up with good friends. I'm happy because I managed to come to terms with the extra semester thing and find myself in no rush. Tomorrow evening my family and I are going to see some local theater performance and then on Sunday i am going to disneyland. I make good use of the season pass, maybe I should just live there. I could claim a spot in one of the doombuggies, bring a blanket and a little ice cooler full of sandwiches and live happily for some time. Or I could stow away in the apartment above pirates of the caribbean which was created as Walt Disney's personal apartment in the late 50's. Or perhaps even in the Peter Pan ride in the section where it shows the arial view of London, probably the only time I'll see london, a sea of twinkling lights and Big Ben, now that I'm not spending a semester there. Sigh.

I spent the day thinking about really personal presents I could get my family. I'm almost 20 and my family is always so wonderful, it's about time to put in some effort and get them gifts theyll like. I already have one for my brother which I wont say cuz he probably reads this, but I came up with really good ideas for my parents that I think they'll enjoy. For my dad, I'm ordering him a star trek dvd because, sad to say, he's a trekkie. But I know he'll enjoy it and watch it and it's so much better than the standard necktie or bathrobe scenario that I end up doing every year. I didn't know which one he liked better, the one with Captain Kirk or the Deep Space Nine episodes (i know just enough about star trek to get by. Sometimes I'd stick around when my dad watched them when i was little). I told my mom my dilemma and she managed to nonchalantly ask him which person would win in a fight, Kirk or Picard. He said kirk so I'm gonna order the classic episodes. She can get away with it because she only makes sense about 1/2 the time and the rest of the time it's just jibberish.

For her, I decided to get one of those decorative crystal thingys where they etch a 3D picture into the crystal. She always wanted one with all our faces in it (kinda creepy, I know). But that's what she wants and she doesn't expect anything so I think she'll be nice and surprised when she opens it. All people outside my immediate family who are in SCV now, I'm just about broke so I'm not doing the massive gift thing this year, but I like you all and if I could I'd buy you all excellent presents.

I'm gonna eventually stop titling these

I'm home! I finished my last final, renaissance art history, yesterday morning. After packing clothes and the fiber optic christmas tree from our apartment, I said goodbye to Megan and left a note for my potential roommate for next semester. It went something like this: "I am already predisposed not to like you because I've been stuck with a bad roommate situation in the past, so if you are a chronic potsmoker, heroin addict, britney spears or country music lover, or a person who falls asleep before 11 pm, get out now! If not any of these things, i guess you can stay, but keep to your side of the room please and don't take over the bathroom with your multitude of hair care supplies. Sincerely, your adoring roommate"

No, just kidding, I was actually very nice in the note, welcomed her to our apartment, left contact info, and told her to make herself at home. I don't actually know if a new roommate will be coming that soon, I am hoping to be able to bask in the glow of a single room all to myself for at least a few weeks, but whatever happens happens. I've got a full month to relax and have my mind as far away from school as possible. Since getting home last night, I went on a cleaning frenzy and cleaned out all old clothes from my dresser and closet to donate to the homeless shelter. It's always such a battle each year with the city council to get the approval to have the homeless shelter each winter, and this year it barely passed so it will again be out in those tents on Via Princessa by Costco. They're in great need of supplies like food because they didn't think that there was going to be any homeless shelter this year so they aren't prepared so if any of you have extra food to donate, they'd probably be really happy.

Then today my mom and I went to the mall with the goal of people watching. We bought two peppermint mochas and sat in a corner and watched holiday shoppers walk by. It's nice to have the time to do that. I always forget how many retarded teenagers there are here. Everytime I see them, it reminds me of the documentary brigitte did last year about kids that just hang around at the mall and that's their only activity. It makes me really happy that 3/4 of the year I'm at college. There were also plenty of soccer moms. Now that I've gotten the annual mall trip out of the way, I can hopefully avoid going there the rest of break.

Everything here at home is extremely relaxing. When i came in, the house was decorated nicely, my mom redid the bathroom without telling me, and the Christmas palm trees are set up in the living room with presents already layed out underneath. I spied at some of them and I definitely saw a cd shaped box with my name on. Wonder what it could be. The front lawn hasn't been raked in about 10 years apparently because you can't see grass...just a sea of fall colored leaves all across the lawn and sidewalk. After I made sure no one was looking, I made a leaf pile and jumped in it. I'm sure things will pick up when my friends start coming home, but right now I'm just enjoying the simple happiness of having my family around, reading, drinking coffee, and sleeping 12 hours a night.

I just added an awesome new class for next semester called Record Production Management. It is a 2 unit and I figured since my other class was dropped, hey why not take this one for fun? It's a lecture, only on Mondays. It talks about the function of the record producer, studio procedures, music business law, union relations, artist management, copyright and publishing agreements, record company structure. At least now I have room to take some 2 units just for the hell of it. Plus, I think this class will give me some background if I decide to work in music design. yippee!

I'm feeling a lot better about things.

I don't want to study! I want to go home!

Ways I have procrastinated over the last few days:

1) transferred music files with megan before she leaves to DC. Some good songs I didn't have before but the process took a really long time
2) wrote far more blog entries than I should have
3) dropped off christmas presents to people
4) napped when I wasnt tired just so I didn't have to study
5) went to get a cup of coffee from Trojan Grounds on campus instead of just making coffee here
6) watched really ridiculous flash animation on the internet. Mainly "I love Egg" and "Banana Phone"
7) went to the Natural History Museum to check out the geology section and their display of gemstones. Yeah, what?
8) checked everyone's away messages a billion times
9) cleaned the apartment
10) sat on a bench on campus for no reason and watched people walk by
11) watched a series of Disney movies including Sleeping Beauty, Peter Pan, and Alice in Wonderland

So now most people have already left for winter break, Ive run out of time and ways to put it off, and I have to spend the day studying Renaissance art and alter pieces for my final tomorrow.

In my world you wouldnt say "Meow". Youd say "yes Miss Alice"

I get 2-3 emails a day from my advertising advisor full of internships and job positions that they've found for students in the LA area. For a while they'd pile up in my inbox and I was thinking they were annoying junk mail with nothing for me because I'm not specializing in public relations, but I took a look at some of these the other day and I found a great intership to apply for. It is at LACMA (Los Angeles county museum of art) for 12 weeks. The interns will work closely with all members of the marketing staff to develop and execute marketing strategy.  Interns have the opportunity to be exposed to all areas of museum marketing, including print, outdoor and radio advertising, direct email campaigns, street marketing, event planning, research and the creative process.
Main Responsibilities:   
Assist with placing print, radio and TV ads
Research potential partners for LACMA (business partners, community partners, affiliate associations, schools, etc.)   
Organize master files related to advertising campaigns
Track billing for advertising
Assist with event planning   
Qualifications:       
Candidate must be enrolled in a college or university.
Enrollment in art and/or marketing classes is preferred.


So I finally got around to going to Amoeba yesterday. I've decided that all day monday I am going to study for art history, but this weekend I can have fun. I bought the elliott smith cd that I had been wanting, the one that was just recently released after he died. Then I bought the Strokes cd. I was supposed to get a copy of it from someone, but that never happened so I just ended up buying it. A disney treasures case caught my eye and I bought that too. It's the Mickey Mouse cartoons from 1928-1935 so it includes Steamboat Willie and all the really early ones. It has commentary from Leonard Maltin and some other disney experts. They also had The War Years which was when a lot of the animators were being called to serve in the army and Walt had to stop production on major film projects, he started producing US propaganda films using the Mickey Mouse + friends characters. But I didn't buy it. Maybe next time.

My roommates and I went to dinner for Brigitte's 20th birthday yesterday. SO weird to think we're 20 already. I've known brigitte since I was 7. It was a nice restaurant in the valley and they had the best tiramisu ever. My birthday is in 2 months and 1 day. It's sad because my roommate, Megan, is leaving to Washington DC for next semester. She's been a great roommmate this year and now I'm dreading the thought of getting a random roommate. It didn't work out so well last time and the possibilities for disaster are endless. She could fall asleep at 7 pm everynight, or play loud goth metal all day, or do drugs, or like Britney Spears, or have a boyfriend who is here all the time, or plaster her side of the room in the kind of pictures of babies and kittens you see in doctor office waiting rooms, or be really really messy. Or all of the above. I wish I could have a single and then i would stay in my room reclusively and not have to worry about trying to make friends with another roommate. So when I come back to school from winter break, there could possibly be a stranger in my room. Grrrr.

Seven years of college down the drain. Might as well join the peace corps

I think I'm feeling like a lot of people are feeling at this point. A little bewildered to be sure and it's that time of year where I start freaking out about everything in my life concerning my future, what I'm gonna be doing next summer, etc. I'm still incredibly sad I can't study abroad. I'm also extremely pissed at the fine arts department and the school in general for this recent development. Here's what happened:

Yesterday I was about to dash out the door to go to a study group when i get a call from my advisor. I thought it was strange because she never calls me and I was worried she was going to yell at me for registering for 20 units and to tell me I'm stupid for taking on such a full load, but what she was really calling to tell me was that only 4 people registered for the Friday design class and that it was cancelled. She asked if I could switch to the Tues/Thursday class and i said that I couldnt because I was already taking advertising at that time. So she basically apologized that it had to be that way and said "well, aren't you glad that you found out now and not in January?" Ummmm sure, I said on the phone but everyone is registered in classes, they are filled up and it would make no difference if this was sprung on me now or in january...the bottom line is that it's too late!

So I'm pretty much screwed. All my design and advertising classes are prerequisites so they all hinge on me taking them in sucession. Now that I can't take design next semester, the entire design lineup has to be pushed back a semester. They don't offer design 3 in summer school, only generic art classes like design fundamentals, drawing, and sculpture so I can't do that and even if I supplemented a GE for next semester it wouldnt matter because design is still being pushed back to overflow into an extra semester. My 3 year plan was airtight and immobile with no room for shifting. I had to plan on taking 20 units to even graduate on time.

The only logical solution: add an extra semester and do 4 1/2 years instead of graduating in 4. Fuuuuuuuck!

I've had a day to mull this over and I can't come up with any other solution so I've started to come accustomed to the idea of 4.5 years. I'm trying to look on the bright side and here are a few things I came up with that is a benefit of staying an extra semester.
1) now I don't have to take 20 units next semester and die. I was really cramming it in and now I have more wiggle room in case another class doesnt work out. I can relax a bit next semester.
2) I have room to take a few classes just for fun that i wanted to take but had ruled impossible by my schedule. There's a Beatles class that I can now take and a 2 unit record production class that interested me but I couldnt fit in before.
3)lots of people do this! Architecture requires 5 years and so does some of the business programs. Many people with large minors have to take an extra semester.
4) get more involved in sorority and maybe become rush counselor or a position within Panhellenic council.
5) I talked to my parents and they're actually the ones who convinced me to do it. They're being so supportive and they told me that college isnt about being done in 4 years, it's about finishing when you finish and getting a good degree.
6) I'm still saving money because I'm not going to grad school like most of my friends. My major doesnt require that degree to get a really good job.
7) more time for internships which will really help when i apply for a job. And more time that I can be in school and stay away from the real world.


So much chaos, i need time to think.

As of 2 pm this afternoon, I hadn't left my apartment for 2 whole days. I haven't worn real clothes for over a week, but have become this strange creature who only wears pajamas, sweats, and shirts that are 3 sizes too large. I obviously shower, that's really really gross otherwise, but I immediately put my hair up in a bulky clip because I don't need to look good for my textbooks. I have a pile of soda cans on my desk and my laundry had overflown my hamper and was starting to turn into the "clothes pile of death" before I took matters into my own hands and shuffled down to the laundry room. My eyes hurt from staring at my books all day and I have actually starting thinking partially in French. I have stopped eating real meals, but rather subside on cheetos, packaged sushi from Commons, Nerds candy, pixie sticks, red bull and sandwiches. All twelve years I was in the public school system, I would bring some sort of sandwich, fruit, drink combo for lunch. Doing this for so many years turned me off entirely to sandwiches and I haven't been able to even look at them for two years, but the other day I got a craving for a sandwich with veggie ham, lettuce, cheese, mayo, and mustard and white bread and it was so delicious that I've been eating them pretty much for every meal. Now all I need is 20 cats running around my apartment and I will have become really pathetic. This is not my normal lifestyle however, but once a semester I am forced into this mess for the two weeks of finals. I hate finals. Give me back my life!

I just got back from my first final, French, and I actually think it went pretty well. There were a few parts I struggled with and there were just some vocab words that I flat out didn't remember, but overall I survived and I think i'll walk away with an ok grade in the class. Definitely above a B. And I really have enjoyed french. It's such a nice feeling when things actually click and I feel like i understand something that I looked at at the beginning of term and wasn't able to comprehend a word. My french teacher was so sweet. When i turned in my final she said that she hoped I come to the conversation lab next semester because she would like to see me. Now, two more finals to go and I will be free! Politics and Culture of the 1960s is a little less clear but is easier to BS my way through tricky answers and Art History just takes memorization. Hopefully I'll find new places to study and my parents will come rescue me this weekend and take me to dinner in chinatown so I don't go stir crazy. To all of you stuck in the same boat as me, and I know there are a lot of you out there, I wish you all the best of luck on your finals and I'll see you when life returns to normal.

Also to look forward to this weekend, Amoeba records trip for sure on saturday!! If youre reading this and planning on going and have a car let me know! Otherwise, it's the bus. I have about 5 cds on my list to buy which will take up all my money, but I haven't gone music shopping in 6 months and my collection needs replenishing.

A night at the theater

I've had tickets for about two months to go see Les Miserables and tonight was finally the night. It was at the Pantages theater in Hollywood and was a culture activity that my sorority planned. I grew up listening to the music and have all the lyrics memorized in my mind forever from playing it so many times, so i was very excited to be finally seeing it. We got to the theater and it doesn't look like much from the outside, but the inside is absolutely gorgeous. Could definitely see the old Hollywood style in the decoration and the art deco influence. Our seats were as far back as you could possibly get; I was in the very last row, but I could still see the stage pretty well so i didn't mind. Wow, I don't even have words to describe it. The show was incredible. Everyone's voices were amazing and they hit every note...the guys even hit the really high ones which was impressive. The set designs were equally impressive as they had this rotating stage that the characters moved around on and they did a cool lighting trick when Javier commits suicide and falls into the river. Overall, seeing Les Mis reminded me how much I enjoyed musical theater as a kid and has inspired me to try to go to more plays this upcoming year. Chicago and Miss Saigon are both playing at the Pantages over the next year so I'm going to try to go. And since I'm so hopelessly emotional when it comes to stuff like this, as soon as Fantine died I started bawling and didn't stop crying until the end. The tissues came in handy.

I was watching tonight and I found that I have the most affinity with the character of Eponine. Yeah, pretty much everyone's life in that play sucks, but she has to live with unrequited love, which I feel is fairly shitty. He doesn't even notice her and he talks about his love for other girls to her. Then she dies unloved and the guy she loved goes off with Cosette who he's known for all of two seconds but somehow can't live without and pretty much forgets about her. Talk about not getting a break. My life is slightly less dramatic, haha, but I feel like I can associate with that a bit. She wasn’t the type to ever say anything so things didn’t work out for her in the end. And even if she had said something, it wouldn’t have made any difference.

horses horses horses horses

It doesn't feel like December. There are some months where you look outside and it just feels like that month. Like July in California. It is always 105 degrees or more and you drive down the road and can see the squiggly heat waves rise off the asphalt, kids are running around in a rotating sprinkler on their front lawns, people picnicing and taking their dogs on walks. The beaches are always filled with stupid stick-figure girls in bikinis. The unfortunate thing about living in California is that you don't get to experience the changing seasons. Sure, it gets a little chilly in the winter, but besides throwing on a sweatshirt instead of a tank top, I don't feel like anything is really different. It feels like I'm stuck in this continuous state of limbo. After college, I'd like to experience living somewhere you can see the leaves change brilliant colors and in the winter, it actually snows real flakes instead of the retarded hail that invades southern california once or twice a season. People come to California for the blue skies and unchanging, warm weather and they can't understand why I'd want to experience something else, but when you've lived here for 15 years or so, that kind of perfection can get boring.

Despite appearances, I do get into the Christmas season quite a bit. I'm not religious, but there's a lot about the season to enjoy. I brought a mini-Christmas tree and put it up in our apartment living room whether my roommates like it or not, and I'm gonna bring small presents to stick under the tree. Last year on Christmas day, my family and I went to Disneyland which turned out to be a bad idea because it was raining and miserable and I got soaked even though i was wearing a poncho. This holiday season, my mom wants to take Matt and me to a Russian Orthodox church so we can see a service and hopefully hear the choir. Russian choirs are absolutely beautiful. When my mom was younger, she used to play in a balalaika orchestra in her Russian church and I feel, compared to that kind of adolescent experience, like I'm lacking any sort of culture whatsoever. I think most of it is lost forever.

So my ipod finally broke. It's been on its way out for a long time, the battery life got shorter and shorter every time I used it. It was the last straw when i had charged it for two days, and I started playing it on the walk from my apartment to school, but before I even reached the staircase of my building, it had died. RIP Ipod. Luckily, it's still under the one year warrantee so I sent it into the company to get a new one. I've missed having it around while it's getting fixed. One of my favorite things to do when I get bored or upset is to take a walk around campus with my music. Very relaxing. So soon I'll be getting a brand spanking new one to play with.