am I still smiling? I can't tell anymore

The past few days have been extreme ups and downs. I'm rushing a sorority. Yes, that's right. Why you may ask? Well...I seemed to have an abundance of time last year, most of which I spent sitting in my dorm room watching movies or talking online. I was involved in a few clubs and the like, but nothing that I could really dive into and get super involved in because they were small clubs or didn't take much root with the majority of USC so the events weren't very well attended. I wanted to have a group that had a lot of activities and would take up time so I could have a good mix of class, homework, and being out doing something rather than sitting like a bump on a log staring at this infernal screen. Plus, I like the activities. They do events to raise money and meet people which I'm interested in. I feel like the time has come to be social or else I will fall into the black hole of art and only do art and never speak or look at anyone. And then die alone in an apartment somewhere with one hand grasping a charcoal stick and the other holding a computer mouse or a zip disk. And I'm not even talking about that sugary sweet, cheerleader, "omg I absolutely must have this $5000 dollar Prada handbag", head up their ass type of being social, but just getting out there and meeting people and getting exposed to new things.

Anyway, so the rush process is a little intimidating and greuling. The first two days we walked around and toured nine houses, and talked to 3 or 4 girls from each house. After this 4-5 minute conversation, they can judge your personality and decide whether youd be good in the house and fit in with the girls and all that. I didn't like this phase. I met too many girls, don't like talking about myself all that much, but overall felt like I had some really good conversations. This is where the tricky part is because I thought i got along really well with some girls, but ended up getting cut from a few of those sororities. Go figure. I don't mind much though. I'm not taking it personally, its all a matter of finding the one I'll be most comfortable in anyway. I have pretty much narrowed it down to two houses which I'll have to decide between over the next two days: Alpha Chi Omega and Alpha Delta Pi. After you leave a house you have to watch the girls as they do this crazy chant about their house and wave like lunatics, but it's kind of endearing in a way. And yes, if I am ever forced to chant and wave and dance around, i'll understand if you want to take embarassing pictures...in fact I expect it. Today was better, I was a bit disappointed at only going to two houses, but I had a great opinion of both afterwards and today was "house tour" day so it was a little less pressure to just talk about yourself cuz we got to walk around and view the rest of the house. Each night we have this late, midnight meeting with our advisor to set up our schedule for the following day and then go home to catch up on sleep and mend our broken egos. So that's been rush so far. I'm looking forward to hopefully (crossing my fingers) getting a bid to the one of my choice and getting rush over and pledging beginning. Now...off to bed for another day of rush. Tomorrow is slight show day where the houses show off a slide show of pics and all their pride activities. gnight!